Why Does Nothing Ever Go as Planned? Lifes a ***** Than You Die, so gone and Get High Cus you Never Know When?

I am 23 years old getting my life started and the greatest lesson i've learn so far is that my life sucks. Where to start. I personally think i was doomed from the start or maybe i just being negative right now because im so depressed. At age 18 senior year in college my grades were never that great i had like a C avg. I was smart but my whole life i moved around so school bored me. Only joy i ever really got was from smoking weed and hanging out. It gave me a liberation from the social phobia i suffer from. Dealing with always being judged and scared to say this or that because of other peoples opinions really took a toll on me. I guess i defined myself by others interpretations of me. Always dressed nice and etc but none of that matters. Lol i always wanted to be a rapper though maybe i should of stuck with that, got to do some shows and record a little bit but during my first year in college i focused so much on that i became delusional. I spent my freshman year in my apt smoking weed and writing raps. I was scared to go to cl because i hated walking by people or people stopping to talk to me. Granted i was popular because i am handsome i guess and me and my friends won the college talent show but still it bothered me doing small talk, it seem so fake and pointless. So i flunked out of college my first year. Sad thing about it was i never really partied crazy and the work wasnt anything too much for me it was just i was scared of society and what it thinks of me, so i stayed in my apt. On my way back home i get into a car accident which my car flips 3times and my bestfriend at the time flys out the window. I made it out alive without a scratch on me. I owed it all to "God" because i said "Lord Please Protect Me" right before the collusion. I was so shook and superstitious of what happen that i didnt even bother trying to get any money out of the accident. I was just happy my friend and I were still alive, he's probably still sitting on checks till this day. Me on the other hand is a different story. So i get back home and i do this rapping thing full time and go to school part time staying with my parents. Everything was going well i hooked up with some people and we formed a record label did some shows and met some celebs it was pretty cool. I met the love of my life during that time also and of course i was smoking weed but idk seems like everything was going smooth. I was comfortable with the community college there and was making Great Grades 3.4 avg. I even transferred schools to a sister college of a university i wanted to attend. Than while i was going to school there my mom wanted me to get a full time job and go to school. I wasn't able to juggle both. Plus the job was me working with the handy cap and i didnt feel comfortable being the only blk person there. Either way my grades fell horrible and i lose the job because i would show up late trying to scram study time and homework before my shift. I was 19 going on 20 during the time and my moms told me I would have to join the military because i was too old to live with her any longer and i needed to make it on my own. So i ended up joining to the Air Force even though i prayed and prayed and prayed that it was the right decession and for the Lords protection. Odd thing is it was 06/06/06 when i first went to the MEPs to be processed in. Spooked me a little. lol either way i got in the Air Force wen through basic barely, the 6wks that felt like 6months in jail. During that time i was healthy and fit, also smarter due to the technical training i received for my chosen career field of computer science. My reading comperhension jumped incredibly i read 30 books in 6months once i reached my first Duty Station. I-Nosc East. They sent me to the most important network security center in the cyber world of the Air Force. I took it for granted maybe it was due to my lack of training and computer literacy. I was basically the phone secretary there. When i arrived in 2007 i was told i would be placed and trained in Boundary Protection/FireWall Network Security. When i left in 2008 i was still answering phones as a secretary and knew just as much as i knew when i arrived it was a dissappointment. I felt like they wanted me to fail while i was there, We had these things called Career Development Courses, i had 7 books and the avg person usually fails them when they take their end of course test. Well when i got there everyone who was around my rank failed besides 1 person. But i was told if I failed mines i would be degraded from my careerfield and placed as a cook?!?! Even though my fellow airmen at the time were going on their 3turns trying to p these test. Needless to say i ped mine with an 88, i was proud of myself but i was alone on that one. I was told it wasnt good enough because the airman before me got a 98. Funny when i was told for the past year it didnt matter what i scored aslong as i ped. Anyway I was free from my CDCs and I was rea